WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
soo... how was my night?
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