everyone is single if you try hard enough
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
