The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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