If i come over, it means nothing
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
