so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
