Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
