please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
