Will you blow on my dice?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
