I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
