We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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