the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
