I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
