so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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