I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
