Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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