I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
