That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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