I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
