just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
