If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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