just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
