No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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