a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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