And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize