This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
