I showed him my bush... on skype.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
