you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
