Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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