I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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