so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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