How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
