If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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