i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
