...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize