my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize