He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
