New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
