Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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