I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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