I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize