you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
