She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
