i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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