I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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