Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
