he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize