I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We had sex on a dog bed..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
