I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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