Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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