I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
