Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
