I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
