Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
