just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
