Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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