how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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