five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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