I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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