Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize