You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
