my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize