I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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