Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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