I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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