i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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