I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
