id be glad to
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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