what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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