omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
pray to the hookup gods
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I deserve this hangover.
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